☼ Wing ☼ (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
winged_knight) wrote2013-06-29 08:26 pm
winged_knight) wrote2013-06-29 08:26 pm
[R/A Canon][IC] Excerpts from Wing's Personal Journal Part 2
[Entry 109]
There's no denying that we are a warlike race. There was a golden age certainly, but how long did it last? Once the Knights of Cybertron left, the perfect system they set into place fell slowly to ruin.
As we fell slowly to war. A war that lasted four million years. And even in a place where that war is unnecessary, still we fight. And still we kill each other.
I do not like to think that such a war was inevitable. I've fought against that very idea from the beginning. And I prefer to think that we'd be able to leave those roots behind, that it would not have to define us here.
But...
Is it impossible?
What if, since we do not succumb to mortality naturally, this warlike nature of ours is a way of affecting population control?
What if we were never meant to be immortal? What if Mortilus still exists within all of us, pushing us to inflict mortality upon others, the same way it was inflicted upon him?
And if we are meant to be the agents of our own demise, nature and the Guiding Hand's way of keeping balance, then is the Circle wrong in putting such importance on the preservation of life?
And why am I different? Or. Am I simply wrong? Fighting, always, and uphill battle.
[Entry 110]
Our people.
The ones of our universe. The Autobots, the Decepticons, even some of the neutrals to some degree. Do they seem...worse than in other universes? More violent, more lost to war. More capable of justifying any violent means to win, to defeat their enemy for a cause they see as righteous?
Is this because we live by the Guiding Hand's example? They killed one of their own because they deemed it necessary. Would the Knights of Cybertron have done the same, if it was required? Did not the Hand mentor them as well?
Are we, as a species, as a people, flawed from the start in this way? And is that guidance programmed? Or can we choose differently?
The First Forged here are said to number thirteen. But we only see seven. Where are the others? And do they have disagreements among themselves? I see the hallmarks between Vector and Liege, differences of opinion, perhaps...mistrust? There must be others...
Could a similar thing happen here? If one of the thirteen was killed out of necessity, would it serve as an example to all the native generations that came after?
Should I warn them?
Or will they think it foolish? That I, who in the Grand Design of things here is no one at best, and an unwelcome guest at worst, dare to think I know more than them. To think I have some wisdom to impart that is paramount to their own?
Would they listen?
Could I make them listen?
[Entry 115]
I worry for the fate of this fledgling government when there are already so many forces trying to tear it apart.
I remember that conversation with Drift a while back...where we speculated on the purpose of the Lambda--Unicron's creation--in bringing us here. That maybe it isn't random, maybe we all really are small agents of chaos who, in effect, taint this world because we are not native. Not meant to be here. The First Forged take care of us, in their own minimal way, but we still take up their time and resources. We are a burden in that way. Something that weighs them down as they pursue their Work, fighting Unicron and trying to achieve their goal of making this world ready for Primus, for its true inhabitants.
I instinctively reject this idea, being unwitting agents of Unicron. And even if it is true in design that it does need to stay that way. That we all still have free will and can change our fate here, be of aid and not a hindrance.
But then I see things like today and wonder.
I do not know how long I can withstand the current state of the Committee. It's been an uphill battle the entire time, bringing order to this place, maintaining peace. I've tried my best, and will never cease in trying to help render aid. But I cannot be a part of a government who tolerates people like Tarn.
If Tarn is allowed to remain on the committee, I will NOT.
Would I be abandoning them though? That is my only worry. When the Circle left Cybertron, some called it cowardice. Cowardice to stand by our beliefs. Accused of abandoning a cause we didn't believe in. Of fleeing a people who would kill us if stayed. People who WOULD have died, if we'd truly chosen to defend ourselves. We were left with no choice.
That's what this feels like, only on a smaller scale. I just hope it's not necessary, in the end.
[Entry 121] (just before the Haven Games)
Tomorrow.
I've been preparing for this for how long? Carpe diem, as the humans say. I will no longer wait and let opportunity pass me by. The games have been fairly well received. It's been hard to pull everything together but well worth it. I hope people see some of the greater meaning in it, what we can accomplish if we come together, and that we CAN do things as a united people and not just defend ourselves against darkness.
At the very least, I hope they have some fun.
I think I'm ready. I've been practicing for weeks, in secret, using just a remote video feed in place of the viewer, in place of Drift. I hope...I hope he likes it. I hope he says yes. I can't imagine him saying no...but. But then I don't want to either!
No, no. I'm nervous enough as it is. Why did I make the performance so complex!? Arg, it feels foolish now. I know it, and I have several perfect practice runs but...oh it's so different with an audience.
I guess I just have to remember. That in the end all I have is an audience of one. He's all that matters. If it makes him happy, then I did well.
There's no denying that we are a warlike race. There was a golden age certainly, but how long did it last? Once the Knights of Cybertron left, the perfect system they set into place fell slowly to ruin.
As we fell slowly to war. A war that lasted four million years. And even in a place where that war is unnecessary, still we fight. And still we kill each other.
I do not like to think that such a war was inevitable. I've fought against that very idea from the beginning. And I prefer to think that we'd be able to leave those roots behind, that it would not have to define us here.
But...
Is it impossible?
What if, since we do not succumb to mortality naturally, this warlike nature of ours is a way of affecting population control?
What if we were never meant to be immortal? What if Mortilus still exists within all of us, pushing us to inflict mortality upon others, the same way it was inflicted upon him?
And if we are meant to be the agents of our own demise, nature and the Guiding Hand's way of keeping balance, then is the Circle wrong in putting such importance on the preservation of life?
And why am I different? Or. Am I simply wrong? Fighting, always, and uphill battle.
[Entry 110]
Our people.
The ones of our universe. The Autobots, the Decepticons, even some of the neutrals to some degree. Do they seem...worse than in other universes? More violent, more lost to war. More capable of justifying any violent means to win, to defeat their enemy for a cause they see as righteous?
Is this because we live by the Guiding Hand's example? They killed one of their own because they deemed it necessary. Would the Knights of Cybertron have done the same, if it was required? Did not the Hand mentor them as well?
Are we, as a species, as a people, flawed from the start in this way? And is that guidance programmed? Or can we choose differently?
The First Forged here are said to number thirteen. But we only see seven. Where are the others? And do they have disagreements among themselves? I see the hallmarks between Vector and Liege, differences of opinion, perhaps...mistrust? There must be others...
Could a similar thing happen here? If one of the thirteen was killed out of necessity, would it serve as an example to all the native generations that came after?
Should I warn them?
Or will they think it foolish? That I, who in the Grand Design of things here is no one at best, and an unwelcome guest at worst, dare to think I know more than them. To think I have some wisdom to impart that is paramount to their own?
Would they listen?
Could I make them listen?
[Entry 115]
I worry for the fate of this fledgling government when there are already so many forces trying to tear it apart.
I remember that conversation with Drift a while back...where we speculated on the purpose of the Lambda--Unicron's creation--in bringing us here. That maybe it isn't random, maybe we all really are small agents of chaos who, in effect, taint this world because we are not native. Not meant to be here. The First Forged take care of us, in their own minimal way, but we still take up their time and resources. We are a burden in that way. Something that weighs them down as they pursue their Work, fighting Unicron and trying to achieve their goal of making this world ready for Primus, for its true inhabitants.
I instinctively reject this idea, being unwitting agents of Unicron. And even if it is true in design that it does need to stay that way. That we all still have free will and can change our fate here, be of aid and not a hindrance.
But then I see things like today and wonder.
I do not know how long I can withstand the current state of the Committee. It's been an uphill battle the entire time, bringing order to this place, maintaining peace. I've tried my best, and will never cease in trying to help render aid. But I cannot be a part of a government who tolerates people like Tarn.
If Tarn is allowed to remain on the committee, I will NOT.
Would I be abandoning them though? That is my only worry. When the Circle left Cybertron, some called it cowardice. Cowardice to stand by our beliefs. Accused of abandoning a cause we didn't believe in. Of fleeing a people who would kill us if stayed. People who WOULD have died, if we'd truly chosen to defend ourselves. We were left with no choice.
That's what this feels like, only on a smaller scale. I just hope it's not necessary, in the end.
[Entry 121] (just before the Haven Games)
Tomorrow.
I've been preparing for this for how long? Carpe diem, as the humans say. I will no longer wait and let opportunity pass me by. The games have been fairly well received. It's been hard to pull everything together but well worth it. I hope people see some of the greater meaning in it, what we can accomplish if we come together, and that we CAN do things as a united people and not just defend ourselves against darkness.
At the very least, I hope they have some fun.
I think I'm ready. I've been practicing for weeks, in secret, using just a remote video feed in place of the viewer, in place of Drift. I hope...I hope he likes it. I hope he says yes. I can't imagine him saying no...but. But then I don't want to either!
No, no. I'm nervous enough as it is. Why did I make the performance so complex!? Arg, it feels foolish now. I know it, and I have several perfect practice runs but...oh it's so different with an audience.
I guess I just have to remember. That in the end all I have is an audience of one. He's all that matters. If it makes him happy, then I did well.